..a stream of consciousness..

(Cliff notes at the end)

Over the last 2.5 months, I’ve lost a little of my edge and slipped into a bit of complacency.  Why? a few reasons… I was getting burned out from interning in the AM, interning after work, and working out after interning… so I cut it back to just interning after work and lifting afterwards.  I took my nutrition a lot less serious after the closing of the paleo challenge, and my performance dipped slightly with it.  I lacked a goal or focus to keep me sharp outside of just wanting to be generally fitter… I had to give my back about a week off b/c it was not feeling well – then I got sick for a week, and was literally kept out of work and was stuck in bed for a week, which set me even further back… I was still training relatively hard, and eating decent, but… nothing like before.  I was in a routine, and not pushing the limits as much as I should have been.  Then a few things happened…

It started with not hitting a PR while doing Nancy at the track… Brian F was right on my ass going into the last round – and I ended up missing my PR by 1 second.  Then Dan Z absolutely obliterrated my Isabel time.  I mean crushed it.  He took almost a minute and a half off my time.  I’m not trying to say that I am better than them and that they shouldn’t be even close to me – but rather that I need to stay sharp or my peers will all leave me in the dust.

Then I noticed one morning that my lack of eating discipline had gotten me softer around the edges.  Yes, part of me is guilty of going to the gym b/c I want to go look naked.  So sue me.  So I started cleaning up my diet again – and started upping the vegetable intake while decreasing the fruit intake so that I’d be consuming less fructose and sugars, and getting more vegetables.  I could almost see an immediate difference.

The kicker was the announcement for the crossfit games.  I realize that I’m not going to the games as an individual.  On top of being at a disadvantage because I sit behind a desk all day, I also realize that I am not athletically gifted, overly strong, fast, or powerful, and that I am generally not a freak of nature (and I mean that in the most F*CKING awesome way – with a touch of jealousy) like those who will be competing individually.  Doesn’t mean I don’t want to go to sectionals and try to make regionals… and doesn’t mean that I don’t want to go to the Affiliate Cup.  Last year left a bad taste in my mouth, and I can’t wait to get out there and compete.  But first…

I have to make our team.  Over the past year, a lot of things at the academy have changed.  We have new members that are top performers.  Top performers and those close to the top from last year have all subsequently improved.  Weaknesses have been determined and subsequently worked on.  As an academy, our level of performance has increased, and thus competition at the top of the boards has increased.  However, I have not fixed all my weaknesses.  I know what they are.  I still can’t get a muscle-up.  I’m still deficient strength-wise compared to MANY of our athletes.  I am not a strong runner, or with anything of endurance for that matter.  I can only do so many HSPU’s and RD’s.  I have a hard time w/ hanging knees to elbows.  My deadlift sucks.  I can’t double-under properly.  Should I continue?

Those around me seem to have much more confidence in me making the team than I do.  Don’t get me wrong, I am not insecure about my work capacity, merely I have the utmost respect for those who I will be competing against at the academy.  What does that mean?  it’s time to get focused.  Nutrition will be dialed in (daily and PWO).  Goat skills will be appropriately worked on pre and post workout.  I will continue to try to work on my rest, and go back to limited alcohol consumption.  New limits for my mind and body will be set.  It’s time to get some.

(Cliff notes – I slacked off, but now it’s time to get serious.  It feels good to rant and get that off my chest, so if you read it, cool.  if not, no worries.)

~ by apexaddict6 on December 16, 2009.